Where does our Validation come from?

Externally Validated

We all need validation. Validation means to make something valid, substantiate, or confirmed. Emotional validation boils down to receiving feedback from what we do and say. Everyone wants to be validated; however, there are two types of validation—one is healthy and one is not.

The two types of validation are external validation and internal validation. External validation means we get our confirmation about ourselves from other people. This type of validation is unhealthy and dangerous.

When someone only feels good about themselves if someone else says they are good, then that person is at great risk to have low feelings of self worth. We cannot control what other people say, think, or do. Therefore, our energy should be focused on what we can control—not what we cannot control.

When individuals are externally validated, then they feel about themselves what they perceive others think of them. Many individuals try control validation by intentionally trying to get their bosses attention, thinking of reasons to be alone with the boss, or desperately fish for compliments. This life style becomes exhausting.

We must understand that becoming a better person does not guarantee people will like you. Therefore, learn to be internally validated. If you work hard at work, then you should feel good about your day at work and worry less about what others think. If you are doing best as a parent, then it does not matter what other parents at the park think.

Secret: if you learn to become self-validated, then ironically usually your boss will appreciate you more and others will respect you more because you become a low maintenance acquaintance.